Strength to reach out.

Your masculinity is not a flaw that needs correcting!

Shakespeare once said, "to be or not to be, that is the question".

While this is a profound question that forces the mind to wonder and cogitate the meaning of existence within the paradigm of self-comparison, self-existence and today's demands of the redefinition of the male’s societal role. How would Shakespeare deal with being a man today, 

he would wonder if he was asked, "not to be".

René Descartes said, "I think therefore I am", and how would he think of himself today? How would that framework stand up to the onslaught and demands of society for a redefinition of himself, a demand to contort himself and his nature to one acceptable by modernity.

A boy may be told traditional masculinity is problematic, yet still discover that weakness, fear, failure and dependency is punished socially. He's encouraged to express emotion but may have learned experientially that some emotions are far more acceptable than others. He's told gender roles have changed, while expectations around competence, confidence, attraction, earning and responsibility have not disappeared. He is told that he is "privileged", while statistically falling behind in education and other metrics.

 As a male therapist, have too felt this pull, felt the confusion of how to be. How to exist in a world that constantly tell me I'm the problem.I did not know how have feelings, how to express myself, or even to who. I was told in so many ways that sadness was not acceptable, even in a clinical depression. I was told that "men dont cry", tears are off limits. I was admonished when I was angry, told I was weak if I cry, ashamed for being overweight, poor for not being a millionaire, delusional for dreaming, it left me feeling as it I was defective, like all emotions are invalid. I just wanted a space that I didnt feel so weak and embarrassed to show how I was feeling, there was no space as a man I could go and be with other men and share my experience and feel validated.

For some men, that silence becomes unbearable. Too many men reach a point where they no longer know where to take the pain, and some do not survive it.

My message to you is,

you are needed,

you are valuable,

there is a place in society for you,

and we can work out where you stand, what matters to you, and where you go from here.

So today, as a man, as a Firefighter, as a Counsellor as a fellow human, I tell you do not suffer alone, talk to someone, talk to me.